News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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