how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
