I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
