Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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