laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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