A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize