it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
