Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
