I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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