I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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