apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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