his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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