that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
