she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
