I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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