when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
