why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How naked do you want me to be?
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