I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
