Your tits are I can't wait for
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
