I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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