Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
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Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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