mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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