This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
do herpes really smell.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
