i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
