He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
