I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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