just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
