I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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