i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
