Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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