forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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