I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
