Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
