I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
