I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
