my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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