Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
