We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
