Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
