Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
