The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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