i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
