apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
