she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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