the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize