I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
