so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
