I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
