You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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