I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
