This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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