i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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