new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
