She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
