dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
