We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
