somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
