I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
