if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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