i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
