I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
