Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
