I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
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I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm at about main and main street
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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