I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
