I'm so fucking centered right now
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize