just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
