My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wish my penis had a tongue
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just pee around me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
