Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
