This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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