I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
