I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
